i catch myself thinking outloud, and promptly catch myself to avoid jinxing anything.
my name is hannah morin.
and everything i said about myself this time last year is nothing that i am today. im not sure if i should so much celebrate this as growth, or harp on my failure.
in this year, ive lost my home, i dont like my job anymore, i am struggling as a mom everyday, and financially, im living paycheck to paycheck, and i lost the one person i thought id never fall out of love with.
but lets keep a positive mind for a moment. i may have lost my home, but i also took a giant weight off of my chest. i dont like my job, but i have one. a damn good one, and coming up soon, i have an interview for another one in savannah. im struggling as a mom, but what single parent isnt. at least she knows im her mom, the one and only, and my parents arent raising her, because i have a job that more than provides for us. financially im paycheck to paycheck, but im getting to spend that extra money on peytons education, entertaining my interests in love, life, and art, and we all know the saying, money doesnt buy happiness. so i make just enough to keep myself afloat. and that love that i thought id never fall from, was one of the greatest things i had ever let go of. love is so multifaceted. theres unconditional love, where someone is kind and sincere and doesnt expect anything in return, but you return it anyway, because it just comes natural, and in no part of that is there lying, deceit and disrespect. being in love with someone is so much more than emphatuation; its so much more than loving the idea of what could be, and very much loving every minute that you're living.
im figuring myself out, and trying to figure out everyone else. i love myself right now, and sometimes as a mom, friend, significant other, its so hard to put everything else aside that makes you happy, more specifically the people who make you who you are...and actually look at yourself and figure out if you're happy, or if the people in your life are your only source of happiness.
i am happy. i love myself. i can smile even when im sad, because in each hardship, ive observed that its a learning experience. pain is feeling. some people dont feel. i am blessed to feel.