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30 August 2010 @ 08:57 am
my life is a series of ups and downs right now.
i catch myself thinking outloud, and promptly catch myself to avoid jinxing anything.
my name is hannah morin.
and everything i said about myself this time last year is nothing that i am today. im not sure if i should so much celebrate this as growth, or harp on my failure.
in this year, ive lost my home, i dont like my job anymore, i am struggling as a mom everyday, and financially, im living paycheck to paycheck, and i lost the one person i thought id never fall out of love with.
but lets keep a positive mind for a moment. i may have lost my home, but i also took a giant weight off of my chest. i dont like my job, but i have one. a damn good one, and coming up soon, i have an interview for another one in savannah. im struggling as a mom, but what single parent isnt. at least she knows im her mom, the one and only, and my parents arent raising her, because i have a job that more than provides for us. financially im paycheck to paycheck, but im getting to spend that extra money on peytons education, entertaining my interests in love, life, and art, and we all know the saying, money doesnt buy happiness. so i make just enough to keep myself afloat. and that love that i thought id never fall from, was one of the greatest things i had ever let go of. love is so multifaceted. theres unconditional love, where someone is kind and sincere and doesnt expect anything in return, but you return it anyway, because it just comes natural, and in no part of that is there lying, deceit and disrespect. being in love with someone is so much more than emphatuation; its so much more than loving the idea of what could be, and very much loving every minute that you're living.
im figuring myself out, and trying to figure out everyone else. i love myself right now, and sometimes as a mom, friend, significant other, its so hard to put everything else aside that makes you happy, more specifically the people who make you who you are...and actually look at yourself and figure out if you're happy, or if the people in your life are your only source of happiness.
i am happy. i love myself. i can smile even when im sad, because in each hardship, ive observed that its a learning experience. pain is feeling. some people dont feel. i am blessed to feel.
22 November 2009 @ 11:14 am
so yesterday i got home from grocery shopping only to realize my precious great dane had picked up and chewed a styrofoam (sp?) cup of sweet tea, which spilled over onto my laptop which was open on top of my dresser. careless on my part maybe?!?! but i wasnt expecting him to be in my room when i got home or to be chewing a cup!!! so i panicked, and the first thing i thought of was rice. so i dumped an entire bag of rice on the open face of my laptop and let it sit for a solid 12 hours. and here i am...saying, "I, Hannah Joy Morin, and my macbook pro, successfully made it through water damage thanks to rice". id only heard recently heard of that when i was being nosey and listening to a conversation between 2 people that werent talking to me in line at chik-fil-a.
on another note, my roommate, hannalore gave her dog a flea treatment, like the capsule that you break open and put on the dogs back between the shoulder blades, and underneath the collar so nothing can get to it. well it ended up getting applied all over his back and she took his collar off, so basically my child pet him then put her fingers in her mouth, and her other dog and my dog got into it, and a great danes puking is like that scene from the movie "stand by me" at the pie eating contest. projectile and so so so much of it. not just that, hannalore's dog was foaming at the mouth and heaving everywhere. but hannalore decided to go on a date in jacksonville. so the night alone with dinner and a movie with jason, actually ended up being jason and i hearing a god awful noise, which was roswell puking, followed by Lola (her other dog) whining in her room, all night until she got home this morning, and the movie,...we were both so stressed out that we passed out.
living with andy wasnt so bad afterall. at least my house was quiet. with her, she never gets her laundry out of the washing machine, i always come home to the house unlocked and all the lights in the house on. plus she has 2 dogs that one of them pees IN MY BED. the other one wakes me up every morning needing to be taken out, and she's usually either not home or passed out and doesnt hear him. as soon as i get my tax returns back, im going to be done with it. just keep my house all to myself.
aside from that, life is good. jason is an absolutely godsend. he's so good to me and demands respect out of peyton in the most considerate way possible. at first she had a tough time with it, but thanks to me and my terrible choice in male figures, she hasnt had a reason to give anyone respect. when we got in the car yesterday and i was talking to her, she looked at me and said "mom, i had a nice time with jason today"...she's so funny with her compliments. always sounds like something a 75 year old woman would say, but her little heart is so sincere.
next week is thanksgiving, and the week following that jason and i got ACC championship tickets. i absolutely cannot wait. its gonna be SUCH a good game, and to have a weekend off, with just jason and i. itll be our first weekend completely alone and i think its gonna be perfect timing.
oh and casey, i NEVER update my LJ anymore, if this tells you anything, i have been checking this thing religiously to get the details of your engagement! IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!
19 November 2009 @ 05:31 pm
i cannot wait for the holidays, and for family and friends to come back home to their homes that they dont really call home anymore, and to use my little fire pit thing my mom had custome made for me that i havent used yet and i got it for christmas last year, i cant wait to share the holidays with jason and my new puppy, and of course, my sweet sweet peyton. im so excited about life right now. also, in 2 months, i will be getting back a MASSIVE tax income return, and just in case you forgot, i paid off every last bit of my debt. that means, i will have nothing but straight income from that tax return. i will save it and buy myself, peyton, and jason something lovely.
01 November 2009 @ 01:22 am

10 October 2009 @ 11:20 pm
please just let me hate youCollapse )
07 October 2009 @ 05:35 am

found some of my family on facebook, and my cousins are the cutest most sorority/fraternityesque people. but all grown up. so crazy.
30 September 2009 @ 01:55 am
i just felt the need to copy and paste these letters, so you can know what has been going on in my life for the past 2 months. my supervisor, is a super nazi. as in HAIL HITLER, dictatorship. she just recently got assigned as our supervisor and i am the secondary supervisor. as in, if she is not here like on her days off, or if she goes to the restroom or on a break, i am the supervisor. so we recently hired a new director who had individual meetings with every single employee. to ask how we can improve, what we need to do, etc. just getting feedback. it was really encouraging and exciting because this new guy is really taking time to figure out where everything has been lacking and i feel as though there will be a huge turn around in our office. anyway, i heard him call from his office for the next person to go in. 10 minutes later, the door to his office was still open and no one had come in. so i peeked my head in and said..."are you waiting" and he said "yeah, come on in, and ill go ahead and interview you". so after 45 minutes, i walk back out and my supervisor says, "come over here"...apparently to make the conversation private. unfortunately, there was a trainee right next to her when she decided to rip into me saying "did i tell you you could go in there?" and i said "no, but mark told me to sit down and he..." and she cut me off. "im not done talking, you wait until i finish", and i said "you asked me a ques...." "i said im not done talking, you listen, i am the supervisor and if you do not run this shift." "i understand" she says "i said wait until im done talking". and i said "youre not letting me explain anything, but you asked me a question" and she said "you say one more word and ill write you up, i didnt say you could go in there and you did. i know what im doing and you're acting like im stupid". everyone. EVERYONE got completely silent and buried their faces in their computer monitor or book or whatever they were doing. Enough of that...this is the email I sent to my director and CC'ed it to all the appropriate parties...

"I just wanted to take a minute, and apologize for possibly adding to your work load. I would like to request to be moved to Sonya’s shift. After working with their shift over the 2 week transmission after ------’s dismissal, I feel like I would be more efficient as a secondary supervisor/dispatcher on her shift. After returning to my previous shift, under different supervision, I feel like there is a lot of hostility. Working with the shift I am on now, I do not look forward to coming to work. I’m passionate about my job, and will continue to do it to the best of my ability, however, I feel as though I am constantly challenged in front of my coworkers by the supervisor for authority, and as a shift secondary supervisor, I should feel respected and should feel as though we are working together, and not under a dictatorship.

When I was working on Sonya’s shift, they asked me several times to agree to move to their shift. I, of course, had my loyalties, and at the time wouldn’t have traded shifts for the world. We [sonya’s shift and I] work well together, and I feel as though someone else should step in as a shift second on my shift I am on now, that has a credible reputation. I have been yelled at and been threatened with disciplinary action in front of the entire shift, which has created tension and also allowed such type of behavior to not only be tolerated by a supervisor, who our shift should trust and respect, but has also put me in a position where my authority and credibility was degraded to nothing.

If this is not possible, I understand. However, it would be greatly appreciated. Even if the supervisor were to be demoted, I do not feel that I can work with her comfortably and trust her as a team mate. That in itself is the biggest reason for my request to be moved.

Thank you for your consideration, and I would appreciate if this [my moving] does actually go into effect that I simply be moved, and there be no explanation as to why I am moving as to avoid creating more of a riff in our agency.

Sincerely, Hannah Joy Morin"

So im just hoping everything operates smoothly. Wish me luck guys and how would you handle the situation?!

07 September 2009 @ 12:09 am
its been a while.
ok, maybe not too long, but i havent really updated on my life, just really about the stress of work.
lately, i have had a lot of amazing, "face time" with friends that aren't close to me. thanks to my macbook. BY THE WAY...if any of you have skype of aim, and i dont have your sn. PLEASE let me know yours so i can add you and we can ichat. i love video chatting so much, and then taking pictures (which i will post some down alittle ways) anyway, here's life as of late. ive cut all ties with gabe. well, not so much me with him, but him with me. its the only way i would be strong enough to do it. and really, im not being strong. he is. and its not necessarily that he is being strong, as much as it is that he has someone preoccupying his time. granted he leaves town, or she goes away, im assuming contact will start up again. its sad to say, but its just realistic. in the meantime, i hopefully will grow a backbone? idk.
so, i work every day at the mexican restaurant...los arcos, and i go in at 5pm, get off at 930p, go to the police department at 10p and work until 6am. run home and sleep until, ehhh....about 2pm, pick up peyton, hang out for 2 hours...andddd repeat. all during this, my good for nothing roommate sits at home, leaving all the lights in the house on, filling the sink with dishes, shaving, and leaving hair in the sink, cooking, and leaving food on the counter, floor, wherever its INconvenient, and most recently, he's run out of lighter fluid in his lighter, so he uses my paper towels to catch on fire on the stove, to run outside and light his cigarettes. when hes done, he flicks his cigarettes in my garden/yard/porch, and goes inside, puts the papertowel in the sink and goes to sleep. eat, sleep, smoke. its his routine. my eletricity bill? $385. his rent? $400.
remember me saying that my dad gave me $10k to pay off my debt...my roommate is the "strings attached part". he drives me absolutely batty. the only reason i agreed to letting him stay was because i need to money to help pay my mortgage....NOT to pay for my electricity bill to go up $285 bucks. good LORD! on top of that, i sold peytons bed to this family who needed it. it was this HUGE bunk bed that was way to big for my house and they have 5 kids in the 2 bedroom house. they were suppose to give me $300. well so far, ive gotten $35, and today she gave me $20. REALLY?! its ridiculous.
im whining arent i? im just frustrated with everything. im working to afford, some piece of shit, who doesnt do anything all day. i come home, and my house is a clusterfucking mess, and i just want to go to sleep, but i dont sleep good at ALL when my house is a wreck. so i sleep restlessly, and then wake up, and im still exhausted. i miss my child. i only see her 3 hours everyday, BUT, i cant afford to see her anymore. its a vicious cycle and its driving me crazy.
long and short of it, i want a vacation, and in a few weeks, im going on the blink tour which is going to be awesome. i cant wait to just hang out with married people with families and have a good time. i cant wait to see my friend bob, and i cant wait to just enjoy time with NO real schedule.
literally the only things that have made my life amazing lately are jen, leah, and peyton. video chat is my FAV!
as far as the whole gabe thing goes...last time we split, i instantly found myself a rebound. it just basically was me enthralling all of my feelings for gabe into someone new, and it never allowed me to get over him. he did the same thing...4 or 5 times. but this time, ive just kept to myself. im working so much to be able to be ahead, and im spending all of my time getting close to my friends. im laughing, and by laughing, i mean REALLY laughing, and having a blast. and honestly, my mind in the past 4 months has been so obsorbed with him, i havent laughed hard and enjoyed life. it made me realize that it doesnt take being with someone to make me happy anymore. as much as i hurt, ive cried to the point i cant cry anymore, and im so happy now. as alone as i am, as in, im single and emotionally not attached to ANYONE...i am so content with me. why am i almost 27 years old and JUST now being content with everything in my life. I LOVE THIS.
i know i gripe and complain about my roommate and money, and work, but i am all in all a happy person. and i havent been able to say that since i was 18 years old.
and as for the pictures...im gonna have to wait to post them later. i forgot theyre all on my laptop.